Harry Potter (3) v. Draco Malfoy (6)

I’ve been distracted from my literary playoffs by the literal playoffs. Now that the Eastern Conference final has been settled upon in the NHL (oh, and GO PENS), I can get back to some of these literary boyfriend battles.

Today, we gotta get back to Hogwarts (yes, that is a Starkid reference) and choose between boy wizards (and arch nemeses) Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. If I have to post a spoiler alert here, you need to get off the internet pronto and go read the seven-book J.K. Rowling series. It’s among the best book series ever written, not in the least because it records the growth of an author (book one isn’t terrible, but book seven is magnificent) and the rebirth of an industry (i.e. a whole new generation of readers came out of this series).

Back to the battle at hand…

Whether you are Team Harry or Team Draco pretty much depends on your views of house alliances. In the world of Harry Potter, young students (who may only recently have discovered their magical abilities) are sorted into one of four dorms, i.e. houses, named for the four founders of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: Godric GRYFFINDOR, Helga HUFFLEPUFF, Rowena RAVENCLAW, and Salazar SLYTHERIN.

When Harry Potter first arrives at Hogwarts, he is conflicted because the magical sorting hat thinks he belongs in Slytherin. When Harry emphatically rejects the house famous for ambition at any cost (and infamous for nurturing dark wizards), the sorting hat places Harry in Griffindor, known for their bravery more than their brains (that would be Ravenclaw) or humility (Hufflepuff). These latter two houses are largely relegated to the back burner with two notable exceptions: Luna Lovegood is a member of Ravenclaw, and the tragic Cedric Diggory (the first death on record in the series, happening in the fourth installment, Goblet of Fire) is a Hufflepuff.

While Harry is the “Chosen One,” who will ultimately face off against the Dark Lord Voldemort, Draco is the ambivalent anti-hero, more bluster than brawn and delightfully played in the film adaptation by Tom Felton. As all the books are told from Harry’s perspective (with a few cutaways to Voldemort or the occasional expositional Ministry of Magic representative), it’s hard to get a read on Draco. Harry’s motives—whether altruistic, selfish or a murky mix in between—are always clear; there’s no mystery to him, only a cloud of doom which clings to his destiny.

Maybe that’s why when it comes to the boy I would’ve wanted to date back in the day, I find Draco a lot more interesting. Okay, sure, I guess we gals tend to go for the “bad boy,” but in the end, Draco is saved by love very much in the way Harry was at the beginning. Draco is conflicted, confused, trying to do the right thing while earning his dad’s respect. He’s much more flawed than Harry, but he also feels more human.

And he’s probably a hell of a lot more likely to experiment in the bedroom when love turns to lust.

In an upset, Draco Malfoy goes the full 12 rounds and beats Harry Potter at long last in a split decision.